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Worth Of My Birth

by Mantis The Miasma

supported by
Conor Stevens
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CainaKhanii
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Elmattic
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dlchandler123
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1.
Con(tra)ception 01:53
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This is not the shit to dance around and go get lit to This the shit for laying down in pain when feelings hit you This the tape you play when no one fucking understands This the shit you won't get if you got a hundred bands No bands, just pop pills, no xans, and fuse it with some booze I've been tryna die in silence, fuck making the news Robin, Kurt, and me, our heads share dread, but not our hair Thoughts locked in, they're never leaving, trapped in the despair Got no bitches, nihilism is my only mistress/ My words act as blocks and torches, build and burning bridges Heart is feeling frigid, and I think my stomach's missing Put thoughts in a song because in person no one listens Say this shit is in my mind, say i should be happier Say you know the feeling but I feel like you're just yappin' here Everyone got problems, but our lives won't be the same Glad you're living good but your life ain't gon' ease my pain Know that you're just tryna help, but I'm not lying to myself Faking confidence until it's real isn't my kinda health Every time I say why I ain't happy and I can't be I can see the face of apathy, no one can stand me I'm not tryna push people away, just stating feelings Some of those are skeptical and say there ain't no healing People give up on me since I gave up on me too so I end up feeling more hurt and lonely than I do Thought about a fake ID so I could get some vodka shots Just to slow my brain down since my scattered thoughts like polka dots Tryna be adult and fix my problems without chemicals Shits hard to resist, I'm tryna stick to academics though Since my youngest days I've contemplated what I'm worth If I deserve life and why my family seems cursed Everyone hates one another, all I hear is accusations Grandma, sister, mom,and dad all call each other Satan My dad told me mom lied about the pill then she got pregnant Just so my dad had reason to stay instead of leave her My conceptions based around my moms false contraception So really all i'm worth is a bargaining chip breathing
2.
Caged REMIX (feat. Azure The Paradox) 04:13
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My thoughts are like a cannon, fired with reckless abandon Standing in a sandpit, waiting for my sight to vanish If I'm blinded I can't see the consequences of my actions In the sandpit seeing red, I feel like I'm a martian I'm alien in comparison to all these other beings So out of touch it's embarrassing, I feel like I'm dreaming Whispers from my distant memories are dissonant symphonies I feel as out of place as nymphomaniacs with the ministry Rationality is out the window like a puppy's head ya see Tongue stuck out like raspberry, ignoring my pedigree Want to get a med degree, want to feel true ecstasy Can those two things coexist? That's not a question meant for me Hook: Caged, trapped, brain snapped Feel better then relapse Steel feathers filling' his pillow, pain present even when he naps Caged, trapped, brain snapped Feel better then relapse Steel feathers filling' his pillow, pain prison even when he naps Verse 2: I think I'm trapped in a nightmare,where scary sights appear quite fair Because beauty is a ruse disguising, inner bruises and lies here I pray your the exception as everything else just preys upon me Predated by childhood demons, feast off my mind like zombies Tearing away at my sanity, picking away like my therapist I'm ready to self-destruct like a kamikaze or a terrorist A Paris Eiffel Tower- like rifle's power to my frontal lobe Maybe doing so will make me less of a mental anthrophobe Use a shotgun on my cranium and make my family's snot run You tell me think of those who care, yet you forget that I've got none I'm pretty sure your thoughts of me amount to pure pity I don't know how but no one else is sure my life's shitty Hook: Caged, trapped, brain snapped Feel better then relapse Steel feathers filling' his pillow, pain present even when he naps Caged, trapped, brain snapped Feel better then relapse Steel feathers filling' his pillow, pain prison even when he naps Bridge: Azure the Paradox Look, I been caged up I been fazed up Done playing bruh Free my name bruh We got chains, yuh Never slaves, yuh I been caged up I done played enough Verse 3: Azure The Paradox Who you talking to? Tell me something, who you walking to? Niggas saying they been my dog but who the fuck is your barking to? Niggas never had common sense they change up with no thought about it See the homies in my inner circle if you been a square, you can walk up out it Day ones say "trust me" I swear they aint saying nothing Thinking I should be lucky But my past been troubling Had a problem since a young man Got back-stabbed in a school room Got beat just for being different Been caged inside too Hide shit from my close homies Thinking that nobody know me People say I should open up But I been scared, I might be folding Everyday I been token outsider inside shit Paranoid of past shit So nobody remind me Caged, trapped, brain snapped thinking I might relapse Just facts, been checked hoping I dont need that uh, Lately I been on wave Trying hard not to crash Thinking I'm surfing today and hoping I don't make it back
3.
Harmed & Cancerous 06:03
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Verse 1: I don't have friends, I have people that put up with me/ They sit there all annoyed because they're reading my sad fuckery Dealing with me out of pity, they don't feel a thing I get it, even the king wants to kill the king Shit, I asked that guy for a verse We were talking 'bout it then he stopped, I guess thats my curse 'Cause when it comes to shit like that I know he's not first Keeps on happening, but its never gets easy, gets worse This is barely business to me, I want some friends But before I even start it seems I reach a dead end I make music and ask questions, guess that i'm a leech And my messages incessant because they don't ever speak I'm just tryna learn, form bonds, get some critique I don't really need shit from you, just be real and it's peachy I don't need a feature, in fact I've rarely asked So you think I'm tryna use you? get your head out your ass I'm just being real not tryna put these guys on blast Because it is what it is, maybe karma for my past Since when I was a kid I treated people like nothing But before that point most did the same to me so I'm buggin' I know you can be busy and that we ain't super close But I still hate feeling like I'm just something to be disposed Illustrates to me that you just think you're the illest And I'm a pesky beggar with no money or feelings I'm not tryna paint any of these guys as villians And I'm no comic hero, I just laugh when my pills in Balancing my chemicals, doc gave me prescriptions Told him I think all affection for me is a fiction I'm a practiced master of the art of self destruction I use blood, cash, sweat, and tears on these productions All I ask for is advice and make some conversation Guess that's too far so I lose my confidence and patience Collabs started and died, I guess its ashes to ashes No order to this industry, it's all just lies and bashes They tell me that I'm young and that I'm uneducated Reading books is needed man, that's all that you're saying No mention of my songs lyrics, doubt that you played it Somehow those who struggle matter less when you've made it Can't bother with their efforts when your own grind predated And you know you needed help, yet you still leave them waiting Can't pretend to understand why you ain't elevating Seems you think your dreams were always meant to be fated Just some 4 minute songs and your thoughts won't take long/ Yet you give shallow impressions like you haven't played one/ My ambition's on thin ice, no Roman Josi, this ain't hockey I'm no pro, I don't need green, not tryna be that cocky I just wanted some advice but life's unfair and so are humans But I don't intend to quit, that's why the bass still boomin' Hook x2: Fuck being armed and dangerous, I think I'm harmed and cancerous Verse 2: People leaving since I was in a womb, locked in 'posed to have a twin but they made mom their coffin Wonder if before I had a brain my instincts killed 'em And if i took their place, how their life(story) would have built up Kinda feel guilty, kinda feel like a felon Feel like they'd do better in the circumstance I fell in Feel if they were here, we'd both have better fates Because they'd have life and I could talk instead of contemplate Elementary had few friends, and most turned into bullies Heart strings always feeling tension like they're part of pullies Most the time was drifting tryna find a place to fit in Found some spots just to get left all by myself and sitting I remember back in 3 when kids would run away from me Say it's games and their my friends, but never really played with me Bring new kids into the group and they're all pointing making jokes Taught the ropes and left me out, left once I lost fucking hope Middle school was war zone, man, must've been the hormones, man Just remember boiling blood and beating in my torso man People call me names when I walk into class with notes in hand Rocking long hair and a jacket, looking like a homeless man Fighting with supposed friends, throwing punches, trashing lunch Always stuck in arguments, always yell over a bunch Always just some stupid shit and bystanders would get pulled in Girls say that I'm rude and ugly, I can't disagree with them Girls think that I'm into them but they're not even thoughts of mine I'm just tryna make some friends, but that shit's creepy, cross the line Never got no explanations, just got insults thrown my way If it wasn't for my parents, I would throw this phone away Moved into the boondocks, but I'll never be a Freeman Get riled up when people speak, I turned into a demon Push away most everyone because of everything before Even months along the line, the pasts a thing I can't ignore Freshman year I'm hanging with my ride or die outsiders Sophomore year I got a friend who helps me break dividers Slowly start to open up and make some new connections Soon enough from my brains depth rise up my imperfections I'm obsessive, I'm depressive, I'm aggressive, I'm possessive And I got a clean-up crew of goons to help me fix my messes But I lose my sense of self, off the deep end, I'm dependent Then I'm popping sleeping pills until I reach the gates of heaven Honestly I don't deserve the hills of Mount Olympus I should be in Abbadon or other pits for awful misfits 'cause somewhere I got selfish and pushed away the ones who cared Just my stream of consciousness enough to get most people scared Graduated high school on the brink of damn insanity Went to UCLA to grow but had to leave my family Didn't know that meant that we would barely ever talk Not through text, not on phone, think the doors been locked Outside, alone, stuck in rain, plus all my friends did the same And most the people here I can't relate to, just too different brains Maybe having friends just isn't something meant for me But the people left say I just need to find the recipe I've been here for like a decade, guess I don't search hard enough Guess my struggles aren't shit because you don't know where I'm from And you had some basic problems so you think that its the same Choose at 12 to leave your mom and brother then you'll feel some pain You don't know regrets and doubt and isolation quite like me Listen to this album and you'll get an abridged summary This can't scratch the surface I got too much flowing constantly 19 years and going, deaths the only thing that's stopping me Messaged no one first the other day just as a test 'Bout what I expected, I got 3 people at best That's family, that's old friends, and that's college people too Guess they're busy or they hate me as much as I do
4.
Talk About 03:42
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Verse 1: They say these thoughts are temporary, even though they're fucking scary Had to bury everything since it seemed that no one was caring Tried to talk about it, but it seems no one would listen Pushing everyone away, that seemed to be my mission They say my smile glistens, too bad it's made of fiction My thoughts are trapped inside a cage and distort mental pictures My memories are lies, like everything else always seems to be People leave the second I try saying what they mean to me Hook: Everybody got some shit they wanna talk about But no one else will take the time to stop and hear 'em out Everybody got shit they don't wanna talk about But everybody else will pry until they're cracking down Verse 2: I think I'm anhedonic nothing seems to bring me joy Sit with Panasonics trying to slip into a void Where nothing but the darkness and it's sounds are always haunting me Have to mute the thoughts in my head that keep going constantly I can't talk about too much or I'll get sent away To the torturous Tartarus that they all claim keeps me safe People ask about my day, I always say I'm tired Because its honest but it hides the fact I'm drowning in the mire Hook: Everybody got some shit they wanna talk about/ But no one else will take the time to stop and hear 'em out/ Everybody got shit they don't wanna talk about/ But everybody else will pry until they're cracking down/ Verse 3: They say that I'm exaggerating Feel like the play thing of Satan Or god, who knows if hes kind? Fucking with the world and killing his scions Fire, aether, earth, wind, water What about darkness Aristotle? Contents of bottles till I reach the bottom You act like you've known me since I was a toddler Even if you did, I would still remain a puzzle/ Even their own kid, they couldn't tell that he was troubled Subtle hints put everywhere but still they couldn't see it No comfort with identity or faith in higher beings Hook: Everybody got some shit they wanna talk about But no one else will take the time to stop and hear 'em out Everybody got shit they don't wanna talk about But everybody else will pry until they're cracking down
5.
Blunt Trauma Chronicle 06:17
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Verse 1: I see you doing all that smack,you need one across your face Because I promise that that horse ain't gonna win a race You need a real heroine to take it's place Or you'll just fade away, gone without a trace Snorting so much coke, its like blow your nose Always rolling up some stuff but ain't no torta rolls Four milligrams of xan, down it with the lean Thatll make you lose your head like a guillotine I'm content with these headphones with the booming bass Feels like drugs are present in the whole human race Hell, even I got some prescriptions from the doctor Mellows me out when I'm anxious like while talking To some strangers, 'cause that shit can be real fucking rough Don't overdo it, that shit's dangerous, enough's enough I used to have insomnia, my brain just wouldn't stop So I got some pills for it, and I started to pop I was on prozac,ambien,abilify Until I took so much I almost died Overdose until I'm comatose with sedatives What's going on inside that crazy little head of his? That's a long story, I say it as a forewarning Stay away from drugs of all kinds, 'cause they're transforming You're entire state of mind, just play your favorite tune And listen to it all, you'll get lost in it soon Hook: All these drugs they kill your brain I swear that no one's safe Just sing along to your favorite song and love the joy it brings Peer pressure does crazy things Makes your thinking hazy Just sing along to your favorite song and love the joy it brings Verse 2: I never smoked back in high school Never thought that drugs would make me cool But like last week I got high for the first time We were smoking up and spitting trash rhymes Shit was fun, bumping beats off of electronics Time was moving slow I guess that's why they call it chronic We went down the street to grab some beef burritos Carne asada, that shit felt like a dream though Like my memories feel like imagination Late afternoon I went down to the bus station Had a doobie and 2 blunts, felt like I'd been there for days Had a great time, said goodbye, then i was on my way Missed a few buses but I made it back on campus i arrived an hour later than I had first planned it Smoking on some kill, you should call me dead leaf mantis But i ain't no mimic, if you think that shit then vanish If you want some beef with me, i ain't like cattle ranches More like slaughterhouse, come down on you like avalanches Viciously slaughter, disregarding Temple Grandin Come down from my high, and then I'm back to rantin' Yeah that shit felt good, but i can't get too distracted Got a budding college life should be careful of my actions I should be in my prime with good beating my evils I'm a free agent, independent, drugs could make me peaceful Hook 2: All these drugs they kill my brain But now that feels ok I sing along to my favorite song while i get stoned Peer pressure never touched me I just felt shitty Now I sing along to my favorite song while i get stoned Verse 3: No opiods and no barbiturates But I'm down for acid tabs and I might try an X I might do a line of coke for the experience What the fuck happened to me, i thought i was straightedge Guess things change when you feel this desperate And things get harder over time like tetris So now for my escape, I've been smoking metrics My boy sell it for the low, 5 bucks for one spliff Said next time I visit I'm hitting the grav bong We're gon' bump some bangers, ain't the time for sad songs But after i come down ill be back to square one Because life is full of shit and i can't be spared none Life ain't fair son, that's just how the cookie crumbles You can eat the crumbs but cant rebuild once it tumbles So you make the best of things, even when their worse Even when it feels like your existence is cursed Hook 3: All these drugs they kill my brain They also kill the pain I sing along to my favorite song while i get stoned/ Take some vodka shots, sip purple drank Now I sing along to my favorite song while i get stoned
6.
Drowning 03:41
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Verse 1: As I breath I'm drowning, I can't handle these surroundings But I've been within these depths for years so I'm not even frowning Count the people I can count on with my two hands Everybody else with big ass squads or cliques or crews or clans Souplantation, stay organic, when they see this shit they panic Branding and programming, spreads contamination makes them manic People always clowning me so it's time I go Pennywise My money sense is driving me to get more than new bentley rides Hook: Plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm not a fish/ Drowning till I turn into a bottom-feeder's dish/ I descend, I see the stars, and I make a wish/ Be aquatic, not psychotic, finish with some fins/ Verse 2: Many ties of mine have fell apart like loose knots Twenty tries at dying but I ain't tried noose knots Guess it's for the best because I've got these new plots Choose a muse and my thoughts are too much for you bots Bought your way to fame and get paid to be how they want ya Rotten brains, you feed off others, cause them pain, your monstrous Guess dinero is the cause of all Romero's visions Rest in peace the legend, body dead but soul keeps living Hook: Plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm not a fish Drowning till I turn into a bottom-feeder's dish I descend, I see the stars, and I make a wish Be aquatic, not psychotic, finish with some fins Bridge: Most are people pleasers, most are snakes and weasels I'm a vile creature, but I am not either You've got the means to live well, I barely survive You naturally thrive, I was born to strive Verse 3: Mantis not a shrimp, but I still got this shit snapping Tantrums from some wimps, I guess I'll get to pimp slapping Everyone I know who's hurting make me keep on rapping So I can try and pitch in if some scary ass shit happen I'm not trying to be icy, I'm just trying to spit blizzards My craft is wars with stars, guess I'm talking like Darth Sidious Jedi Mind tricks like I'm Vinnie, but I'm not as peaceful I will conquer everyone like I'm succeeding Caesar Bridge: Most are people pleasers, most are snakes and weasels I'm a vile creature, but I am not either You've got the means to live well, I barely survive You naturally thrive, I was born to strive Hook: Plenty of fish in the sea, but I'm not a fish Drowning till I turn into a bottom-feeder's dish I descend, I see the stars, and I make a wish Be aquatic, not psychotic, finish with some fins
7.
Climbing Out The Catacombs 02:50
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Verse 1: Climbing out the Catacombs, I'm one of multi millions Rest remain dead in the dirt, I'm still dealing With the same feelings, same pain, but still act like I'm chilling And I'm pushing through all of the shit so I can get top billing Pretty fucked up people act like they're lives suck Cry and cut, but still wanna survive like Macguyver Feel how gangsters feel when others lie about the nine tucked Never felt headed for hell like I do in the line, stuck On my thoughts constantly, unknown to these wannabes No soul, hopping from trend to trend like wallabees I never back out, but take you out back like Old Yeller Grill you since you just tryna be a Rockefeller No respect for the craft, say less than Teller I'm hard liquor, cheesy bitch, your verse like a wine cellar Like the Count, they insert their canines and they dine on me Frankenstein's monster, made of others, finds autonomy/ Hook: But they ain't fucked up like me In fact, they don't even like me They ain't fucked up like me So why the fuck they actin' like they like me? Verse 2: I tried to sleep forever with some pills, but I beat meds I did it to die, never faked shit for street cred Not faked for concern, I just felt that shit burn I told people I trust, got disgust in return Car crash, front of whip smashed, luckily no whiplash Still fear death, thought I'd finally dismissed that In the passenger seat, always fear a repeat Every mile we go, I feel my sanity deplete All the smiles I show are just to help me cope All these trials I've known, they're making me lose hope Even though I try to see them as a chance to grow Thoughts planted in my head I didn't even mean to sow I can't help but reap them and it drives me to the Reaper Only hell freezing over hides them till they can't go deeper At the end of the blizzard is a beautiful winter My thoughts buried, only my soul left to enter Hook: But they ain't fucked up like me In fact, they don't even like me They ain't fucked up like me So why the fuck they actin' like they like me?
8.
Career (feat. Azure The Paradox) 03:57
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Verse 1 (Mantis the Miasma): Said that my passion wouldn't ever get cash Said give up on it, focus only on class Said my shits weak but what they know about art? They ain't care 'bout me, think they got some gouged hearts Soulless and controlling, tryna push goals on me Solace and compassion are desires so lofty Nowadays it feels like I'm just viewed as a tool Power plays by family, they tell me I'm a fool Tell me making music would be wasting my gifts College is the only way to make my life lift Up from the dirt and make myself feel pleasant Think a rift forms if I choose not to listen So I do the crap they ask for, still in the lab Cooking up the verses, not some book like they ask They tryna make my vision crooked, so I can't see What I really wanna do (and) who I really wanna be Fuck your doubts, if i get clout you'll praise tracks Took this route, got out of my drought, i blaze wacks What they lack? They ain't got no heart and wear masks I'm not talking trout, but they replicas to count cash What they represent? Nothing, wanna race a 'rari They're just living marvelous, makes me feel sorry Fuck my dreams, throw 'em out since they aint' realistic Should just be a mystic, or go read statistics Fuck my goals, they want to see all those differed Shriveled like a raisin in the sun, they'd prefer Say that you love me, support no matter what But always push shit on me, say don't trust my gut People say my songs trash, do something productive Keep the day job, that shit isn't constructive Took me months to learn flow, no one could describe it But over time I got it, I made that shit a science Ask Azure, helped each other make our flows smooth Trash twitter rappers shouldn't ever touch a booth They ain't for the culture, they just out for themselves So they stay dissing people who're just asking for help Bridge: Say we ain't succeeding, so we'll be defeated When were on a beat, you just say that we're the weakest Even though we're teens, all the worlds we paint are scenic All the shit you say doesn't even carry meaning Hook: People told me music can't be a career/ I told them all right we'll check back in some years/ When i make a stack, bet theyll walk up in tears/ But i know that shit fake, so its fuck all their cheers/ Fuck my dreams, all I gotta do is get cream/ Fuck my happiness, they said get a good degree/ Just give up on music, I won't ride in limousines/ Get a good career, but it's fuck my self-esteem/ Verse 2: Someone tell me what these motherfuckers know Had to grind by myself when they never been alone So much work I been doing in my home But a nigga still hating man I'm done with these hoes Dealing with doubt and this poor ass reception Take in the hate while I switch up inflection Spend time on verses but its like a message Dont see the purpose unless I'mma flex it Break a beat down and apart like its Brexit Fuck up my heart you just killing my passion Say that Im weak cuz I never been savage Really I'm passive I'm done with this shit Everyone thinking a nigga should quit Parents and family stay making jokes Nobody to trust with the shit that I wrote I been working on myself and they can never understand I aint worried bout my health or the motherfucking bands All of this shit man it came with the plans I been in the game you should stay in the stands Working on myself and they can never understand I ain't worried bout my health or the motherfucking bands All of this shit man it came with the plans I been in the game you should stay in the stands, lil bitch Hook: People told me music can't be a career/ I told them all right we'll check back in some years/ When i make a stack, bet theyll walk up in tears/ But i know that shit fake, so its fuck all their cheers/ Fuck my dreams, all I gotta do is get cream/ Fuck my happiness, they said get a good degree/ Just give up on music, I won't ride in limousines/ Get a good career, but it's fuck my self-esteem/
9.
Reject Your Elders (Prod. By Prophet) 03:24
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Verse 1: Stop talking to me and try taking some action Hate your whole life then forget using distractions You got family, how you act like we ain't there? Leaving us with strangers you just met at the daycare I tell you how to fix shit, then you ignore me Been like this for 24 years, did it to 4 kids Say you need some help, you beg and implore me Cave 'cause I know if i don't results will be morbid Mom, your therapist just acts like a cheerleader Just says what you want to hear, you always believe her Builds you up like pyramids, and truths a wrecking ball You don't try to change, think Earth's at your beck and call So when things go wrong, everyone else is to blame Except you, even your kids are bringing you shame How do you believe your own delusions despite evidence? All I got from you was loads of pain and mental pestilence Hook: Stop talking 'bout your problems less you doin' somethin' 'bout it/ All i hear is whining, stop bitch, i can live without it/ You rely on luck, no bucks, just vouchers/ You need me more than I give a fuck about you/ Verse 2: You sit in your chair everyday and you pray Yet stopped caring about all your kids along the way I know that your sick, but you're not paralyzed You still boss me 'round when there's peril in my eyes Say that we're a team but I do it all myself/ I'm the one who worked to put awards on the shelf/ I'm the one who spent the hours going insane/ And you never cared until I started to train Gave up on me 'til i started using my brain Now you take the credit when you never had the pain I keep up my grades, social life, and house alone You sleep while my stepmom's working hospital phones All you do's relax, yet when I demand respect Or for you to keep your word, you say keep myself in check Because you're the dad so authority is certain Who gives a fuck if my body or my mind are hurting Hook: Stop talking 'bout your problems less you doin' somethin' 'bout it/ All i hear is whining, stop bitch, i can live without it/ You rely on luck, no bucks, just vouchers/ You need me more than I give a fuck about you/ Verse 3: You lay around all day always dodging a job search Everything's ok for as long as you got church Pray to god he saves you, gives you government money There's no need to move beyond that long as dollars keep coming Always bailed out yet take pride in survival skills Say you live well because that's what the Bible wills Guess I never bought you food when your money ran out Never helped you find a roof when payments didn't pan out I'm not saying you need to be happy with what's happened But when I'm shocked my body's still taking action Never take advice from me, throw out all my tactics In a fraction of max time you've run out of rations Why deny my efforts and the aid that they'd bring? Who's that benefit? How is that helping things? Seems like my voice goes unheard if it differs From what they want to hear, well then what about this verse? Hook: Stop talking 'bout your problems less you doin' somethin' 'bout it/ All i hear is whining, stop bitch, i can live without it/ You rely on luck, no bucks, just vouchers/ You need me more than I give a fuck about you/
10.
NeScience Is Bliss (feat. Azure The Paradox & FITH) 05:05
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Verse 1(Mantis the Miasma): We'll be bumping VANTABLACK while you be snorting Vanna White Satan taking wheels, make my fortunes look so bright Like blue flames, he whispers in the dark like Luke James Driving thoughts of suicide into my screwed brain A few loose, so my slot machines get triple sixes When the sevens should be present, yes my slot head needs some fixes I'm immature, I'm nescient, but I've never been omniscient I'm throwing heads in wishing wells but I'm hardly well-wishing I do it for myself just to boost my poor chances I'm not tryna strike oil, I'm just tryna score glances Make all the ones who doubted look at me and feel foolish While I'm still in the miasma feeling half-dead and ghoulish My minds slipping, need repairs still to get a fit head Been hard since i ate up all the bullshit that that bitch fed Most friends imaginary or just distant symphonies So they never were to start with or they've turned to memories I got Azure and Gold Fleece, I rep UCLA now Fakes lie 'bout me for the gold like Aaron's tribe and their cow And I feel blue inside but my minds gold and gleemin' I'm opposite of Moses, he met God, I met my demons He climbed up to Sinai I went down to circle nine With no poet as a guide and nowhere for me to hide Now I'm back and like always ignore waves, I just follow signs Work for cosigns, write lines by my circle, that's a tangent rhyme I'm more than a bard, I'm a martyr for the artistry I got lead in my arteries like dudes who trained in armories It's pumping to my brain, but luckily it's not harming me I'm swarming notepads with it like some insects when you're gardening Pardon me, my insensitivity's no anomaly I've been this way for years, this is not some sudden toppling Trying to work my way to number one like life's monopoly And doppelgangers heads hangin' in shame cause they ain't stoppin' me Verse 2: Niggas talking nonsense, I swear its pantomime Talking bout our level, homie we are not alike I'm never stupid flexing, I'm busy teaching lessons You should call a reverend I'm a demon to your brethren I never had the ice man my neck was never cold Just had the dog tag, I could give your girl a bone And when she all alone she hit me on my mobile phone I said delete the message, TMZ be stalking hoes I'm all about the crew, never catch me racing tho my heart was vantablack, dark as fucking Santa coal I'm creeping with the monsters steady running in your home rhymes sick as cancer when they running out your dome 2015 I was feeling dead inside 2016 I was barely still alive 2017 a nigga making all the strides 2018 BIG is back in town You want some beef I got my squad when we come around Thugging out your life, put digits to your underground Its all headshots, best believe I want the crown We leaving bodies everywhere like its a lost and found We dont want the green, Mantis got us covered Fleece got the gold plated chopper get to ducking FITH got the trax, run the game and cause some trouble I just want the bag, I can settle for a duffle Bridge: NeScience is bliss, Nescience is bliss Bliss gang coming up and when we shine it can't be missed NeScience is bliss, NeScience is bliss Azure, The Miasma, Zaki, Gold Fleece, and Fith
11.
Nineteen99 05:10
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Intro Year of our lord, 1999 Year of his foe, 6661 Verse 1: Worth of my birth is less than a candy purchase Dearth of the mirth, joys been absent since a person When I was delivered, I was crying and shivering Doctors severed that cord then I started my villainy My sibling never made it, they were sent to River Styx Or some other place of pain made by sermon-givers tricks I know that Ill be burning when my shell of meat's in casket Why not light myself right now to prep for hellish heat and maggots Just need a lighter and some gas, worst case I'll use absinthe/ Take a bath in it, and if the BIC dies, turn to matches Boxing matches between voxes clashing hard inside my nous Telling me to get my neck caressed so gently by a noose I'm doing some dumb shit to forget my issues Wish that you could understand all that I've been through When Lucifer needs food and puts you on his menu Hope it brings light to my life when it fucking hits you Hook: Everybody's telling me "happy birthday!" I don't understand, what is there to celebrate? Nineteen years full of misery and pain Got cold veins, so I'm fine dying in vain Verse 2: I'm a portrait of George Orwell made by Henri Edmond Cross Dotty kamikaze tryna fight against big brother boss I'm forming a farm of controversial concepts ('ll go dormant eternal by murderous princeps/ Shatter my grey matter, splatter like a Jackson Pollock My molecules live off of platters made for alcoholics Kabbalah thoughts have hid within me since I first bit challah But I get no signals when I'm calling out to Allah I'll hit 21 to drink myself to death lawfully And smoke some cigarettes to make myself cough awfully End up in a coffin carried by the pallbearers The men in my lineage who never appalled or scared parents Didn't pound on walls or wanna throw fists at all mirrors Didn't lose sleep every night because dreams displayed fears Not quite nightmares just regrets and inescapable mistakes Slept 4 hours max a night, how much more of this can i take? Hook: Everybody's telling me "happy birthday!" I don't understand, what is there to celebrate? Nineteen years full of misery and pain Got cold veins, so I'm fine dying in vain Verse 3: So i take some ambiens to hide from being a cambion My rampant panicked thoughts wont stop, the pains becoming ambient So I take a whole pill bottle, hoping things will end And send myself to death full throttle, nearly finding zen When I wake up in the hospital, my stomach freshly pumped Check my texts, respond like nothings wrong, whole time i was just slumped Ride the cop car to a mental hospital, get my shit taken Then for 3 days minimum, gotta be evaluated So I'm patiently waiting, living as a mental patient Cant use pencils, so use crayons to write shit in isolation Scheduled meals, small TV, one pop radio station Every hour feels like a year but there's no escapin' Family visits, they're surprised, I don't see why I've dropped a lot of signs that i thought of suicide When I finally get out, only 3 friends who were worried To this day I still wish that i would've just been buried Hook: Everybody's telling me "happy birthday!" I don't understand, what is there to celebrate? Nineteen years full of misery and pain Got cold veins, so I'm fine dying in vain Outro 1: This is dedicated to my grandma, Lupe Lopez Rest in peace 1927-2018 Rest in peace to my dog Barkley, he died last April. The greatest pretty old canine that I've ever seen Dedicated to my grandpa Henry Vera Lopez You're missed Enrique Dedicated to Sandra Bernards. I hope you're soul's well I hope you're all watching over me Outro 2: Go,go,go,go Go mantis, it's your birthday You should pop a xanax 'cause it's your birthday Don't look quite as bland, because it's your birthday But no one really gives a fuck that today's your birthday Outro 3: Oh three one four/ One nine nine nine/ To twenty seventeen/ Nineteen long years/ Came out of the womb/ Worth of my birth/ Soon to reach the tomb/ Worth of my birth/

about

In this album, Mantis exposes his deepest vulnerabilities, secrets, and painful experiences. With loads of lyricism, emotion, and dark production of many different sorts, he'll bring you into his mind.

I would like to give a special thank you to my friend Azure the Paradox. He engineered the entirety of this project, contributed his vocals and writing, assisted in the art, and gave countless critiques to help bring the album to this state. Thanks a ton.

This album is dedicated to my Grandmother Guadalupe Aguallo "Lupe" Lopez, also known as "Nana Mom".
Rest in Peace, July 31, 1927 - February 14, 2018

credits

released March 14, 2018

Written and Performed by Mantis the Miasma

Featuring Azure the Paradox on Tracks 2,8, and 11

Mixed and Mastered by Azure the Paradox: soundcloud.com/azuretheparadox

Produced by:
Mantis the Miasma on Tracks 1,2,3,5,8,11
IsaiahD on Track 4
Penacho on Track 6
Musikal on Track 7
Prophet on Track 9
FITH on Track 10

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Mantis The Miasma California

A musical artist who explores the many themes of life and death. Mantises are often depicted at the intersection of this transition. UCLA 2021.

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